The Thrill of It by Lauren Blakely

Author:Lauren Blakely
Language: eng
Format: mobi, epub
Publisher: Lauren Blakely Books
Published: 0101-01-01T00:00:00+00:00

Harley

“Hi. I’m Layla, and I’m a sex and love addict.”

The meeting begins and I say the words of introduction, the words we all say, the words that make me cringe. Because I know what people think of love and sex addicts.

They think you screw everything in sight. They think you have zero control over sexual urges, you’re a bunny rabbit, a bitch in heat, you bark at the moon. They think you climb the walls, scale the fences to get your next fix. They think sex addicts are nymphos, porn stars, jokes.

And they think love addicts are just fine and dandy. They think love addiction is maybe kind of cool. There’s a song about it, right?

What could be better than love? The thing that makes life worth living. If you’re going to be addicted to something, it might as well be love right? It’s such a better neediness than drugs or alcohol or eating disorders.

Don’t ask me.

I don’t have a clue about love.

I don’t understand it.

It’s a code, it’s a cryptograph, it’s the puzzle I will never solve.

It’s the riddle that leaves me scratching my head, saying huh. Because I thought I had an inkling, I was coming close, but then bam. Blow to the head, knocked me down flat.

I glance around the claustrophobic Sunday school room at the other junkies, parked on tiny chairs, with our nervous little twitchy fingers tapping out rhythms of worry, of wishes, of I-have-to-get-away. We’re all fumbling in the dark. Deaf, dumb and blind.

Or maybe I’m the only one like that. Maybe my feet are encased in concrete, immovable, and the rest of the former users are gliding on, skating away from me.

I scan the faces as we go through the requisite hellos, thanks for sharing, and daily affirmations, wondering if the rest of them flit through their days and nights tailed by the same black cloud of confusion.

“Little victories,” Joanne begins, while the steadfast and hardy hanging kitten watches over us from her framed post on the wall, some sort of patron saint of recovery. “Let’s talk about little victories today. Who wants to start?”

Ainsley raises her hand. She’s the gal who can’t stay away from her teachers.

“Ainsley. Tell us about a victory.”

“I made it through classes this last week and didn’t try to flirt with any of my professors.”

There is clapping all around.

“Excellent news. That is a huge accomplishment. Every little step matters. Chloe, what about you?”

Chloe smiles proudly. “I had an awful day at work and I went for a run instead of trying to find a guy at a bar for a booty call.”

More praise from Joanne. More clapping. Everyone has been so behaved today, it seems. Maybe something is in the air. A new drug, an elixir that makes us forget how love and sex, sex and love used to fuck us all in the head, and yet how much we wanted to be fucked back. It’s hard to stay away from the fix. Because the fix feels good. The fix takes away the pain.

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